short story

After his husband forgot the wedding anniversary, his wife tells him:  'You'd better have something in front of the house, tomorrow, which goes from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds.'

The next day, she finds, on the road, a bathroom scale.
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Clean Short Story Suitable for a Wedding Day Speech

Father Henry was planning a wedding at the close of the morning service. After the benediction Father Henry had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married.

'Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?'  Father Henry requested.

Immediately; nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front